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A New Zealander is walking down the road with a sheep under each arm...
A local man spots him and asks 'Are you shearing?'
To which he says 'No, I'm gonna sleep with both of them '.
I used to put kumquats all over her melons, it was great. I wanted to run off to the New Zealand with her and secretly marry among the kiwis, but she told me she cantaloupe so I ended it.
No, there is no punch line.
Did u hear about the two million people that died in the Middle East?
It's awful, 2 milllion dead. Everyone is helping out though. The Aussies are sending loads of beef, New Zealand is sending sheep and London is sending Muslims.
I just accepted an amazing job offer. I get to work outside, set my own hours, and I'll be getting laid pretty much all the time.
Next week, I'll be catching a flight to New Zealand to start my new life as a sheep rancher.
New Zealand slang can be quite hard to understand especially on top of our fast and harsh sounding accent. Sometimes it can seem like Kiwi English is an entirely separate language! Which is why I’m going to teach you some common New Zealand phrases and lingo!
This Kiwi slang can be found just about anywhere, even in the likes of fancy restaurants and hotels. It includes some Maori phrases and Maori slang used in everyday life, and even (it turns out) a few terms popular from the UK.
Here’s a complete guide on New Zealand slang and how to use it like a real Kiwi! It may look complicated but trust me once you get the hang of it, it’s easy as bro.
Wondering what does chur mean? Well, this word can be slapped around in many different ways. Sometimes the chur meaning is attached to another word or used by itself. It can mean sweet, awesome, yeah, good, cool, cheers.
A true New Zealand icon is this guy. He created this famous video which has now had over 3 million views. So nek minute basically means ‘next minute’. This is one of the New Zealand words I use all the time with my Kiwi friends overseas.
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